Being a Mother – II
What does a mother remind you? Love, Care, Affection, or neat clothes, food on table, band aids etc. Oh I know, you mean all of them, after all, you had a mother, and you loved her. But what When you decide to become a Mother yourself?
You really would not have any personal idea what mothering is all about! Let’s face it, as you all know babies don’t come out of the birth canal with an instruction manual. But if they did life would be so much easier. You would know why your baby is screaming at 3 in the morning, instead of desperately wondering what you are doing wrong.
If you are a first time mother it is natural to be more than nervous about becoming a mom. When you found out you were pregnant you were most likely so excited, and now that you are almost due you are still excited but also scared. I’m here to tell you that is completely natural, all first time moms feel that way.
I also started reading journals, articles, magazine about becoming a mommy. What will be the process of holding a baby, how to feed, how to clean them, Baby bathing, poop and potty training etc. I have already told you that my first trimester was a disaster for me as I have nausea which was completely upon my head. I doubted my decision of becoming a mother. But later on I started getting excited and enjoying the mode.
I have been reading that the moment you will hold your baby for the first time the bond between a mother and a baby started growing more passionately.
But this was not my case. I used to watch my ultrasound pictures, feeling those tummy kicks and baby movements and was enjoying that phase of my life. At the time when I was in labor room and had that pain my mind had changed about the feelings I was having before. I was not nervous, I was not happy, I was not afraid. No feeling at all!!
The labor pain took me to another level, I just wanted that baby to get out of me. And the time when she was out I was so relaxed, but still no feelings. It was completely opposite what I had imagined. I thought that I might be having tears in my eyes or I might be badly desperate to hold her, nothing happened. Nurses were cleaning me and baby and I didn’t saw her And I slept. OMG what kind of a mom am I? that I didn’t even saw my child and felt sleepy.
After half an hour I got up and came out from the labor room. Then I saw my little munchkin in my mommy’s arms. She was so pure and red and I was holding her but still no feelings. OMG!!! Now I got that I am blank. “I don’t know” how I feel. My aunty asked me that “now you are a mother yourself so how do you feel?” I told her that I am feeling good but inside I was still saying “I don’t know”. It took me around 1-2 hours and a short nap again to come back into my senses. Then I again hold her in my arms, feed her for the first time and felt that this was it, this was the feeling what I was looking for, tis was the feeling what I read. That no one can touch her now, I am standing with her. Now I feel like a mother.
It is really interesting “being a mother”. Every mother might have their own personal experiences and feelings for the first time with their baby, This was mine and if still someone asks me how I felt at that time I would still say “I don’t know”